Emotional Obstacles

Emotional plateau. This is what I developed at the end of my emotional nomadic life. When I got into middle school, I knew nobody in my school. My old friends from elementary school were going to school at different middle school and I got the chance to talk to them. Because of this, I felt isolated from the rest of the students at my new school. I had friends, but I couldn’t make any friends as close old friends. This isolated feel developed into a more reserved and somewhat detached feeling inside of me.  It was hard to open up and fully express myself. I felt like I was making myself bare to people I didn’t know. The strange pressure from the demand for good grades also pushed this isolation Almost everyone thinks a B is a “bad score.” I felt left out as I had little As, some Bs, and some Cs. I came to the conclusion that I was not like everybody else and my standards are different. I felt the need to make it known to others that they should not expect anything spectacular from me. I don’t expect anything great from myself either. The funny thing is, even though I am aware, I still can’t and refuse act on it.  My inaction led to me becoming lazier the more I “self-analyze.” During times like this when I think about myself, I feel murky. Not hollow or empty, but murky. I don’t know how to motivate myself. Which direction should I go? How do I propel myself forward? I might know, but I don't think so. This insecure, indecisiveness is what I call an emotional plateau.

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